Do Not Be Afraid.
Psalm 91:3-5, “For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. (NLT)
It’s funny. I am caught up in an emotional storm circling around my son, and this verse pops up on one of my perpetual calendars. My friend gave me this calendar years ago, and it sits in my kitchen on the window sill. Every morning my son flips it to the current date so we can read the verse of the day. I read the verses and hear God speaking directly to me.
Let me be honest. As I have picked up this practice of blogging, I often wonder how relevant my challenges and fears will resonate with the majority of my followers. If I were to list the “D’s” of my life, they would be Disability, Divorce, Disease, Depression, but also Dignity and Determination. I do not know how that compares to your words, but those are mine. So I was hesitating to write about this experience and use these verses because I indeed questioned their relevance to you. But I decided to move forward.
Then all of a sudden, I realized THIS VERSE from Psalm 91 had been thrown all over social media during this pandemic. Isn’t God clever? As states are slowly reopening and lives and crawling back to normal, He arranges this verse to be plopped into a calendar mid-month of a pandemic. And yes, I am one of those who do not believe in coincidences (wait until I tell you about how God talked to me through fortune cookies).
Nevertheless, back to me and my emotional storm. I had been praying about a situation involving my son. In the past, I have tripped over every attempt to decipher God’s will, and basically, I now tell him just to hit me over the head with a 2x4 to move me in the “right” direction. In this scenario, there was, at first, what I will call a “tap.” Then there was a “punch.” But for me, a tap and a punch just did not fit the bill for what I had asked. Well, today came the crash of the 2x4, and you know what? I got mad.
I can just hear God saying to me, “Now Lori. Before this scenario even began, I gave you a gut feeling you should stay clear of this situation. Did you listen? Nope. You moved forward, and THEN you started asking me how to go. So you did ask for a crash over the head, but I did not want to do that, so I gave you a tap. Did it change your direction? Nope. So I gave you a pretty good punch. Did that change your direction? Nope. So today, I gave you exactly what you asked for, a crash over the head with a 2x4 and what happened? You got mad. SERIOUSLY!!” Ok, maybe God doesn’t use the word “seriously.” I do, often, but I can kinda imagine his absolute frustration with me.
It is true. When the obvious answer came in addressing how I should proceed in this situation, I got mad. I picked up the phone and vomited all over some disabilities representative at the local community college. I may have thrown around some legal jargon and threats along the way. And I may have said something about me being a professor and interpreted their actions and the actions of their professor as a disgrace to the profession. Maybe something like that. You would think after eighteen years of advocating for my children in high emotional, volatile situations, I would have learned by now how to address things better. NOPE. Once a mama bear, always a mama bear, do not mess with my cubs!!
So now I have myself all whipped up with more energy than a broken hornets’ nest. I walk out to the patio, plop myself on a chair and hold my head in my hands. “Oh Lord, what I have I done?” I can just feel God giving me the one raised eyebrow, just like my mother. “Yes, I know, I blew this way out of proportion.” “Yes, I know I asked you for a clear direction. Yes, you gave it to me, and I lost it. I should be saying ‘thank you’ and not freaking out at this moment.” The circumstances just flew into me like a blazing arrow. I hate ignorant and unjust people, and I let them know it.
After a deep breath and a twinge of regret, I got up, petted my emotional support team (my two golden retrievers…they follow me everywhere) and went into the house towards the sink. Then I stopped and looked at my calendar. I was reminded, God will rescue me (and my children) from every trap (even the blazing arrows). He will COVER me with his feathers. He will SHELTER me with his wings. His faithful promises are my ARMOR and PROTECTION. DO NOT BE AFRAID. And when I genuinely thought about it, this circumstance around my son can be traced back to the beginning of me being afraid.
I know I have said this before, but I will say it again. I AM A CONTROL FREAK. However, I cannot control what happens in my children’s lives. This drives me crazy. I like plans. More specifically, I love MY plans. I do not like it when my plans get changed or thwarted. It ticks me off. But being committed to God means it is no longer my plans, but HIS. With that commitment to surrender to HIS plans comes the promise, He has my back. His plan does not promise ease but blessed assurance.
What am I promised? When I resign to perfect submission, ALL is at rest. I and my savior am happy and blest. Watching and waiting, looking above. Filled with His goodness, LOST IN HIS LOVE. When I commit to surrendering to his plan, I get to watch his perfect plan unfold with peace and assurance that His love will protect and carry me through every challenge, every storm, and every uncertainty with the hope of what is yet to come. My response? I will praise my savior all the day long.