Clean House!
Psalm 19:14 “There’s more: God’s Word warns us of danger and directs us to hidden treasure.
Otherwise, how will we find our way? Or know when we play the fool?
Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed, scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.
These are the words in my mouth; these are what I chew on and pray.
Accept them when I place them on the morning altar,
O God, my Altar-Rock,
God, Priest-of-My-Altar.” (MSG)
I read a story the other day about an 18-year-old senior in high school named Antonio Gwynn, Jr. He had seen the streets of his town damaged by rioting. At 2am, this boy grabbed trash bags and a broom and decided to start cleaning the streets all alone. He said he knew people were going to need to use those streets to get to work in the morning, and he wanted to make the way safe. He saw the damage and decided to clean it up to make the way safe.
Yesterday I took my dogs to the park where there is a trail I typically walk or run, depending on my mood. I had not been there since the storm. Last week my town suffered damage from a derecho. This is a rare storm the brings intense damaging winds. The power has been out in some of my local communities for over five days. Streets have been closed. Powerlines strewed across the roads leaving dangerous conditions throughout the town. Along the trail, I saw trees knocked over with root systems at least nine feet in diameter. The trees my dogs would chase squirrels up were now flat across the grassy area. The landscape of the park was almost unrecognizable. It will take a very long time to clean up and make the picnic area safe.
Recently, I have had some circumstances arise that have brought my thoughts back to my growing up years. I have thought of individuals who had huge impacts on my life. Some conversations are clear as day to me. I also cringe at some of the choices I made. I was a kid who did not know what side of the fence to commit to, so I walked on top of it. Some days I lived on “the straight and narrow” and thought I was going to save the world. Other days I thought, “screw it” and did whatever my heart desired. In both of the scenarios, what was truly driving me was the unconscious need for acceptance. Which side of the fence would have people who would bring me in and affirm me? I tried so hard to earn love on either side. I just needed to be accepted.
A couple of years ago, I began a new trail, not really knowing where it was going to lead me. There had been storms and plenty of damage along the way. An honest friend said to me, “clean house, Lori.” I did not know how profound those words would be. I had no idea how cluttered my “house” was. I could not imagine the length or the depth of which I would have to go to clean house, but I did.
In these past couple of years, I took a step forward and then two steps back. I did this dance a few times around. Back and forth, around and around I went. Some parts of my world were very easy to throw out. I did not even think twice. There were other parts of my world that I just could not disconnect from. The connections were somehow giving me something, even though one, in particular, was deeply painful. As a matter of fact, it was not until last week that I finally let it go (Elsa would be so proud of me).
As I walked along the trail yesterday, looking at the downed trees, branches scattered everywhere, all I could think about was how the park needed to be cleaned up. And I thought about how selfless and mature Antonio was to take on the responsibility of cleaning up his world. I then thought about how my friend encouraged me to clean up. Get myself in order. Get it together. I realized that it is precisely what I have been doing. I have been sweeping away the sticks, pieces of shattered glass, and even uprooted my convictions to get me to a new place. A secure place. A place where I can accept me.
I do not need to find acceptance from one side of the fence or the other any longer. I accept me for who I am. I can clearly see the way I need to walk. I have sorted through all the debris and have found the precious treasure underneath. I now have a clear and safe path to travel along. Do I believe I will be perfect? No. But I do know Who will continue to make my path straight. I will put my trust in God with all my heart. I will no longer lean on my own needs or understanding. In all my ways, I will look for His guidance and wisdom, and yes, He will make my paths straight and clean.