Beauty in the Broken
As I sat in the booth across the table from my pastor, my friend, who has been a brother to me, spoke these words; “We should be better.” I am not a person who believes in “should-ing” on people. I connect that phrasing with shame. However, in this circumstance, I could not agree with him more. I was sharing with him a story about a situation I had been a part of. My actions could have been considered “acceptable” to most. However, it ended with deceit, devastating wounds, distrust, and a life that will never be the same. I had been shattered. The pieces of my heart and soul were scattered everywhere, and I had no idea how I was going to put them back together.
It was after listening to his loving words of consolation and then encouragement I knew I had to do better. I had to live above acceptable. I need to pursue the standard of “exceptional.” But then God intervened once again. He stopped me in my tracks, in his loving and compassionate way, he reminded me I was not the power behind the restoration, HE is.
2 Corinthians 4:7 tells us, “but we have this treasure in jars of clay to show us this all-surpassing power is FROM GOD and NOT from us.” Oh, to be assured that I do not have to do anything, and the only thing I need to BE is willing for the potter to do his work. Does the lump of clay do anything to create the original vessel? NO! When broken, does the vessel put the pieces back together again? NO!
The reconstruction of this vessel continues. It has not been a quick fix. However, I have seen the beauty in the process. There are some days I wish the timing would be faster. I’m not a very patient person. I mean come on, I’m willing, just get it done. But that is not how the potter works. He is very carefully putting the pieces exactly where they need to be in order for his masterpiece to be precisely how he needs it to be.
God does bring warm assurances along the way. It was during my weekly meeting with my Teacher’s Assistant when one of the assurances came. I do not remember how the conversation started, but I do remember his declaration; “Professor, you are a vessel that shines light in our classroom.” My response was, “The reason why there is so much light shining through me is that there are plenty of cracks that allow the light through and trust me, that light comes from God.”
This interaction gave me such great hope. I teach at a secular university, and I need to be extremely careful about how I allow my faith to be represented. Despite my caution, my student equated my presence with providing light. I could not have been more humbled and grateful. God was doing a new thing in my heart, and it was on display for my students to see. And God is using a broken vessel to do his work. God is making beauty from the broken. There are no words to describe the emotions that welled up within me at that moment. God’s amazing love and grace are allowing me to be used by him, even in my broken condition.
I take responsibility for my part in the shattering. 2 Timothy 2:21 says, “So if someone cleanses himself of such behaviors, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart, useful for the master, prepared for every good work.” I took my gaze off the creator and put the fulfillment of my needs into my own hands. I lived on the edge of acceptable and got crushed. God wants so much more for us than acceptable he actually demands it. I had to repent of living such a mediocre and selfish life. I needed to be broken in order to be made whole. He gladly heard my confession and instantly began the restoration process. Not only is he carefully putting me back together, but he is also allowing me to be used during the process for his glory. My eyes are no longer on myself, the acceptable, they are now focused on Him, the exceptional.