I Can See Clearly Now the Year is Gone!
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.” Psalm 143:8, 10 NIV
When New Year’s rolls around, a hot topic readily discussed is one about “resolutions.” What new goals do we have for our lives? We are given a clean slate at the stroke of midnight, and we consider how we will better ourselves or our worlds with this spotless canvas? I do not know about you, but when I make a New Year’s resolution, it does not take long before my new way of doing things quickly reverts back to the old ways, and I embrace the easy or routine as opposed to taking on the challenge of living a new way.
But this New Year, I am making a vow to step up and step out into a new way of living. As for many, 2020 was a difficult year. From the moment it began, I experienced a breaking of the old. Growing up in a Christian environment, phrases and clichés saturated my vocabulary. So, if I were to say, the scales were removed from my eyes, and now I can see much more clearly, you might not exactly know what I mean.
At the beginning of the year, I became aware of my blindness to some of my realities when the truth of a particular circumstance was revealed. This painful awakening made me aware of my trusted friend’s betrayal that shattered my heart, leaving me vulnerable and very aware of how dark my heart had become. And yes, how ironic for me that 2020 provided me clarity of sight both figuratively and literally. For not only spiritually and emotionally was clarity restored, but my physical vision was also mended through surgery during the summer. It indeed was a year of visual clarification.
Over the past few months, I have come to understand a great deal about where my “blindness” came from. Through the help of sound counsel from professionals and friends, I have been identifying “wounds” along my journey that needed to be addressed. Some of those wounds were ones inflicted upon me, and some were wounds I inflicted on others. I am just as responsible for my actions as others are for theirs. I do not believe this to be a “walk of shame.” No. It was a walk of understanding and revelation as to why I made certain choices. It has helped me see why I have chosen moments of avoidance or procrastination and why I have not lived to my potential. I can see habits and self-preservation tactics that have kept me from advancing confidently but instead have held me back and kept me still or, better yet, paralyzed with fear.
Second Timothy 1:7 tells us, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.” I was not relying on the Spirit God gave me; no, I relied on the negative messages I had heard from others as well as the messages I told myself. Many of those messages were lies and manipulations, but I received them, quickly believing the worst. I was tossed and turned by the opinions of others and my own self-deprecating beliefs.
As I look over my trail of wounds, there are places where I must bestow forgiveness, and there are places where I need to ask for forgiveness. This is a work in progress. It is not an easy path to take, but I am confident it will bring complete healing and freedom. It will be through the strength and power God’s Spirit provides me to clearly process each action that weighs me down. It will be through God’s love and grace to grant the forgiveness needed and the humility to seek restoration from those I have harmed. I will need to learn the discipline of replacing these lies with truth grounded in His word.
As I move forward through this season, I must also view the future with the new lenses this process has given me. Just as the new year provides us a fresh start, we are promised new mercies every morning. The year 2020 was symbolically just that for me, a season of clearing my vision to who I am and the life I have been called to live. It is up to me, to all of us, to decide if we will start each day grounded in God’s unfailing love, trusting in Him, and allowing His Spirit to lead us on level ground. It is my prayer that we will boldly walk in God’s love and truth this New Year.