He KNOWS my heart
Psalm 13:18, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
I am no stranger to storms. There are seasons in my life where I just think, “Seriously? What else can go wrong?” Sometimes storms fly in one after the other; I find myself spinning and losing my direction.
Other times a single storm will appear suddenly without warning. Unexpected heart-ache is the worst for me. When life blows in and blindsides me, I get the wind knocked out of me. Fear washes over me. I gasp for breath. I reach for a brace to hold me up, so I do not crumble to the ground. I emotionally recoil and hide for protection.
This week one of those unexpected hits came, and it came hard. I was already feeling a bit weak and vulnerable. I was healing from surgery away from home, and with side effects I had not expected. The road to recovery was a bit longer than I had anticipated, and my emotional margin was a bit thin.
I was sitting in my room, working through a check-list of things that needed to be accomplished to start the upcoming semester strong. As I was on a roll using my time productively, out of nowhere, the storm happened. I uncovered some information I had not expected. It took my breath away. My body went numb. The realization of what I was reading pierced my heart. Fear seized my mind.
Have you ever encountered a situation that comes out of nowhere and you have no idea how to react? That is how I was feeling. My head was spinning. There were what felt like one hundred scenarios rushing through my mind. I did not know how to react.
God knew. At that moment, I picked up a quote I had seen from the author/speaker, Lysa Terkeurst. She stated,
“The enemy wants us afraid. Not the healthy kind of fear. No, the horrible kind of fear that whispers worst-case scenarios absent of hope and haunted by hurt. With death on his breath, fear says, “Dance with me darling. Entertain my entanglements. Linger in my lies. And drink deeply from my darkness.” All the while, it pickpockets our purpose. Cripples our courage. Dismantles our dreams. And blinds us to the beauty of Christ’s powerful love. Refuse fear access to your heart, mind, and soul with the proclamation above all others - Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! The name of Jesus is Power. Protection. And Perspective that crushes fear.”
She was so right. I immediately began to pray. God, through His spirit, created in me a gentle peace that allowed me to handle my reaction the best way possible. I was able to confront the people involved in a genuine but loving way. God gave me the strength to speak my heart, but know when to be silent.
God also knows each of us intimately. He knows what healing balm our hurting hearts need. During this time, He brought a song to one of my closest friends. She listened to it and thought of me. She immediately texted me the song. I could not believe how the lyrics related to how I was feeling and exactly what I needed to hear. God knows how worship music brings me immediately into His presence. That is where I find my comfort and healing.
This is what God does; He lovingly brings us into His presence and assures us that He is holding us through the unexpected. We may not know where the storms come from or why. We may not even know what the outcome will be. What we do need to know is that He promises to be near. He knows our fear. He knows our pain. And He will carry us through.