Tender Blessings – Part I
Psalm 103:13, “A father is tender and kind to his children. In the same way, the Lord is tender and kind to those who have respect for him.” (NIRV)
How do you understand God? Do you see Him as this powerful entity that lives beyond the clouds who knows all things and controls all things? Do you see Him as a genie who gives to some and not to others? Did you ever experience Him as big and mighty, something that you would fear? Does the word “tender” come to mind when you think of words to describe your understanding of God? I certainly did not. That is not a word I would have chosen if given the option, but yet, tender or compassionate is often used to describe who God is in the Bible.
God and I have had one of those on again off again relationships. I would even be as bold to say I have broken up with God on several occasions. This is not something I am proud of doing. But there were times when my patience or stubbornness took control, and I decided my way was the best. I allowed what I was feeling to dictate that which I knew and a stomped off like a spoiled child getting myself into more trouble than I could imagine. And every time I went back to God, He was there, waiting, arms open wide to receive me again. I typically returned battered and bruised.
Although God was always faithful, I never identified His tenderness. However, over the past few months, I have been working on reframing my thinking. I found myself in the habit of interpreting things more negatively, instead of looking for the positive. I certainly did not mean to be that way. I am not sure where the pessimism stemmed from, but none the less it was there. My change of mindset has been freeing but also enlightening.
Last summer I had to have surgery on both my eyes. I had formed a few cysts, and they needed to be removed. Now I needed to have a second surgery, almost a year later to the date. This one was going to be a little more invasive and more prolonged recovery time. I knew I would have the people support around me. But as the time approached for the surgery, I saw something very clearly. I saw the compassionate and tender hand of God clear a pathway for a smooth entrance into the process.
What does that mean? God knew before I did how exhausted I was. I am sure we all are feeling this way. 2020 has not been ideal for any of us. There continue to be heavy medical, physical, emotional, economic, and societal burdens on all of us. Every day we wake up wondering, “what’s next?” About a month ago, I was sharing with my classmate the need for my surgery. It was her wisdom and encouragement for me to withdraw from my summer class. I had not thought about it, but knowing I would not be able to read or write for a short time during the course was something I had not really considered. When I reached out to the university about the plausibility of withdrawing, I received nothing but affirmation, support, and ease. I could not even imagine having the workload of a doctoral class on my schedule right now. Her counsel was priceless.
Four days before my procedure, I needed to go through a set of preoperation tests, including a COVID test. I traveled into the city to a cardiologist’s office for my testing. When I arrived, they did a few routine checks and then said I needed to walk down the street to another hospital that had outside COVID testing. The person handed me a phone number and told me to call it on my way down to let them know I was coming. He would electronically send over my prescription for the test. “OK,” I thought. It was raining outside, but I only needed to go down Sampson Street one block, no big deal. I punched the number into my phone and was immediately put on hold. So I waited. And waited. And waited.
Finally, a person began speaking to me, and I explained I had been at Doctor X’s office and was instructed to come down to get my COVID test for my surgical procedure, which will take place at another hospital. I was told, “Sorry, you need an appointment.” I tried to correct the person and said, “Oh, I did have an appointment. It was at 10:30 am. I just need to finish the appointment with my COVID test.” The response on the other end of the phone? “No, you do not have an appointment with us, it is two different places. You need to make a separate appointment for your COVID test.”
Can you feel the panic that is now streaming through my body? I am in the city, standing outside in the rain, on a Friday, needing a COVID test so I can have surgery on Tuesday. They are telling me I needed a second appointment made when my doctor had made the first appointment with Doctor X. However, Doctor X said all I needed to do was call the number he handed me and walk down the street for my test. I was in complete panic mode.
At that moment, it was a good thing I do not have a Jesus fish inked on my body or stuck on the back of my car because I think some things were said that did not represent those symbols. I was not rude to the person on the phone; I was just exhaling my venom to a muted phone before I proceeded. I had been able to convince the person on the other end of the phone to schedule whatever was available that day, which happened to be two hours later, but at least I was on the books.
Through God’s compassion, He gently nudged me to keep walking up the street and head to the COVID testing tent. When I arrived, one person was being tested, and that was it. I sheepishly walked up to the intake person and explained my situation. She said, “Come on in. Sit in seat B. Someone will be right there.” Seriously? I just spent the past 20 minutes in the rain trying to convince a person on the other end of the phone to schedule an appointment for me, and I walk in, and I am immediately received. (Here’s where my practice of reframing started!!) Yes, what a beautiful blessing. Thank you, God, for making a way.
WAIT! There’s more……